I’d passed through that doorway more than a thousand times, always rushing in to seek out the darkness of my closet. I was desperate to shut the world out, but the sounds of my father screaming and glass shattering penetrated every wall of our house, along with every fiber of my 8-year- old body. This was a regular occurrence, but I never really got used to it. Sobbing to myself, I dreamed of a different life where nobody yelled and where my mother’s steady flow of tears wasn’t a fixture in my world. The ominous darkness of my closet didn’t even scare me because I’d become so accustomed to a black cloud hovering over my life.
Suddenly, my house turned eerily silent. I left the sanctity of my closet and quietly made my way downstairs. The grotesque sight of spatters of red covering the floor sent shudders down my spine. My heart sank as my mind raced, thinking my dad killed my mom.
The smell of Italian food jolted me, making me realize that it wasn’t blood, just jars of pasta sauce my dad had thrown in the midst of my parents’ latest battle. But it hadn’t been a battle of equals– just my dad once again using my mom as a punching bag. My mom was so talented and artistic, making beautiful vases that my dad habitually smashed against our walls and floors. She had nowhere to go, with no higher education or means of supporting my brothers and me by herself. So she stayed in a marriage where she was the target of my dad’s perpetual bouts of rage until calls from our neighbors led to the police knocking on our door. Many a night was spent in my closet, shrouded by darkness. I seesawed between crying my eyes out and visualizing the loving family I’d have someday when I grew up and moved out of the war zone that was my childhood home.
My dad’s tyranny extended beyond my mom. His parenting methods rivaled certain torture tactics in third world prisons. Precluding me from sleeping or eating was one of his favorite forms of punishment for less than perfect grades. My anxiety level soared, I developed a stutter, and I wasn’t allowed to form any kind of meaningful friendships, so I never fit in at school. I tried so hard to pretend to be happy, but no one knew what truly went on in my home.
I’d passed through that doorway more than a thousand times. Years had gone by since I was a helpless little girl in my closet. In the entryway of the mansion I’d shared with my husband and daughter, the mirror seemed to assault me, even though it hadn’t moved, it merely reflected. I didn’t recognize the stranger looking back at me. It wasn’t just my appearance; my soul seemed absent, my eyes were lifeless and empty. I’d spent years trying so hard to attain the perfection my parents demanded of me. My desperation to be loved led me to a life where I was eager to be what everyone expected me to be. Obsessed with trying to be the ideal wife and mother, I didn’t think my own feelings mattered. I traded in the prison of my childhood home for this gilded cage that had become my new reality.
I’d spent that day self-medicating with retail therapy, walking into Nordstrom empty-handed and walking out with bags of stuff I didn’t want or need. I’d passed through that doorway more than a thousand times, trying so hard to distract myself from my misery by giving my credit cards a workout. But the one thing I couldn’t buy was my missing spirit that I’d allowed to waste away all those years. The mirror didn’t lie, instead, it brought me to my knees, sending me tumbling into a downward spiral that ended my marriage and forced me far out of my comfort zone, headlong into a lengthy date with depression.
The joyful, bright feel to the room enveloped me. I looked over toward the doorway; I must have passed through it more than a thousand times. I could hear my children’s laughter in the next room, my husband horsing around with them as usual. I thought about those years spent hiding in my closet, visualizing the loving family I wanted to have. After hitting rock bottom and ending my first marriage, I made the decision to change the one thing I had the power to change– myself. I worked on my mindset and manifested a loving husband, a happy home, and I welcomed another beautiful daughter into the world. After years of living a daily battle, I finally created my effortless life. But it takes effort to become effortless– I had to put in the work.
There’s something called the “Doorway Effect,” a concept that claims that going through doorways makes us forget, but the truth is that objects in the rearview mirror tend to appear closer than they actually are. My sad, lonely past propelled me forward, through every doorway until I found my happy place. You might expect me to turn to drinking or drugs or other various destructive behaviors to cope with my childhood, but I was determined to get my fairytale ending. Some say it’s a miracle that I got here, but it really just came down to mindset, steely determination, stepping through my fear and believing that I was worthy no matter how many times people told me otherwise. I went from being a scared, stuttering, outcast child to becoming a thriving, beautiful, vibrant woman.
If you’re ready to walk through that doorway, I can show you how you too can live an effortless life, a life that inspires you and others, a life you thought only existed in fantasy books. I’m living proof that you can live your dream life, it’s a path I know well, I’ve been through it more than a thousand times. Are you ready to walk through that door with me?
I’m Indrani. I am a mindset and intuitive business coach.
I help women just like you design a life they are absolutely in LOVE with.
When you work with me, you will:
1. Shatter through all of the fear and thoughts which keep you small & embrace your bad ass authentic self. Which results in standing out & attracting your dream clients.
2. Streamline your technology, brand messaging & packages so you will easily attract your dream clients. Say “Hello” to Focus & “Adios” to Overwhelm!
3. Finally stop feeling like you’re behind Every. Single. Day. with a step by step plan to efficiently tackle your goals so you feel like a Productive Rockstar. Even if you have a TON to juggle as a wife, mom and business owner.
As a mindset and intuitive business coach my philosophy is that …
– We all deserve and are worthy of everything our heart desires
– Life happens FOR us – always. We just need to find the lesson, the silver lining to grow into our best self
– When we find our purpose, remove any roadblocks and create a roadmap … we can do anything.
If you are ready to go after your dreams in a massive way, I’ve got your back. Set up a complimentary Clarity call and together we can get your clear on where you are, where you want to be & I’ll give you recommendations how to get there.
“Just had the most amazing call with Indrani Phillips. A woman who pours into other’s lives on a daily. Just the few tidbits she gave me during my clarity call was amazing. She understands my business goals and has the passion to help me get there. Thanks for meeting with me Indrani!” – Chatreese Becket
“The last 6 weeks working with Indrani has been amazing and life changing. I have been able to identify the fears that were holding me back from getting to the next level and embracing what I have been dreaming of doing for years.
My biggest challenge prior to working with Indrani was owning who I am and what I want to be as a coach. Did Indrani help me resolve my challenge? YEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!
There were several benefits working with Indrani …accountability, pushing me to do stuff outside of my comfort zone, identifying fears and breaking through them.
For the first time since I decided that I wanted to be a coach, I finally feel like I have a plan, clarity and I can bring value to clients. Having a daily routine is awesome and has made things better at home. My attitude is better which is reflecting in my relationship. Over all, I am happier now than I was 6 weeks ago 😃
Working with Indrani was awesome…honest, direct but also supportive, understanding and compassionate. Just enough pressure to get shit done but not overwhelming. Indrani definitely knows what it is to be a good coach.
Thank you Indrani for everything. Thank you for being so open and sharing how you got to where you are. Not everyone is willing to share. Thank you for showing up and being authentic. You are an inspiration 😃”
– Sarah Michelle Bliss,
“We had a session already and am really looking forward to starting with you. I loved our session together. Indrani helped me in dealing with current circumstances . I could feel her energy and felt grounded. Indrani inspired to take action and do something about my circumstances and to have faith. In our session my biggest insight was to own my situation and not to blame others. I absolutely recommend working with Indrani!” – Maria Zarco